Thursday, March 22, 2012
Character Profile: Short Story
Yet another speepless night. The idea of sleep is wonderful, but the pain it causes isn't really worth it. I sit in bed and watch movies all night... Doesn't really seem like a bad thing, until you have to go to school again the next day. My teachers always ask if I'm feeling alright, my friends laugh about how tired I look. I laugh along, figuring that maybe it really isn't that big a deal. And around them, it doesn't really seem like a big deal. It isn't until I get home that I realize that I'm in for another night of terror. My parents kind of shrug it off. We've tried so many different sleeping pills and anxiety medications that it really seems like there's nothing more that they can do. Both of them do shift work; my mom is a nurse and my dad is a firefighter. So they aren't always around when it happens. Those are the nights that I fear the most. If I fall asleep, I'm doomed. Who will be there to wake me up from my shrieking? The night terrors have almost started to take over my life. Sometimes I think about different ways to stop them; maybe a medication that could make me stay awake all night and not be tired the next day, maybe something that could prevent you from dreaming. But both of those options seem a little bit unrealistic, so the idea of suicide to end this pain and suffering often looms in the back of my mind. My friends don't understand, and would probably think it selfish of me to do this, but they have no idea. My parents would be devastated, but even they've given up on me.
Thank You (READ THIS ONE)
PART ONE
As I think about all that's happened in the last couple weeks,I realize that I've learned a lot about the people that are really close to me. For example, the fact that my mom totally shuts down and shows no emotion when something really bad happens. I have also realized that I have a lot of people to thank.
I want thank my mom. I know it sounds super cliché, but I'm being totally serious when I say that she's done SO MUCH for me. Even when I was at the age that I was totally awful to her and going through a lot, she tried to do everything she could to help me get better. After my mom lost her mom a few weeks ago, I started thinking about what I would do if my mom passed away. I don't think that I would have been nearly as strong as my mom. We got the news in the car, and as I broke down, she stayed strong and tried to comfort me, even though I feel like it should have been the other way around.
PART TWO
I wrote part one of this post a few months ago, and since then, a lot has happened between my mom and me. Earlier this month, I came home from a party and said some really awful stuff to her. I don't remember what I said, and I don't want to know. I could tell by the way she spoke to me the next morning, though, that it was awful. I find it hard to believe that after everything that I've put her through, she still looks at me with such pride and love. I have not been nice to her, especially in the last month. In a time where I should have been appologetic, and when I should have been trying to earn her trust back, I just continued to hurt her. We each have our issues and we both have trouble dealing with them.
I don't even know where to begin.
Mom, you are the strongest woman I have ever met. You have dealt with a daughter that has had severe anxiety for her entire life. This anxiety led to eating disorders and crazy mood swings as I hit puberty. You were with me throughout all of that. Although we didn't talk much at the time, your concern did mean a lot to me. I was rude, ungrateful and downright mean. Those weren't my intentions, but that's how it was. The fact that we managed to work through that time of my life together astounds me. The fact that we are still on speaking terms after I said whatever I said to you last month shocks me even more. Although I can't promise that I'll never screw up again, I can promise that I will try my best never to speak to you like that again. I will never hurt your feeling intentionally, and I will never take you for granted. I love you.
After the phone call we received last night from the doctor, I thought long and hard about how much you mean to me. I could never have made it this far in my life without you, and I never want to have to live without you. Let's hope that your next appointment brings good news, and that whatever they see on the ultrasound is not as scary as what I'm imagining right now.
I love you so much, mom. And I am thankful for every moment that I've gotten to spend with you. I'm hoping that we become closer in the future, and that our differences subside, eventually. I have learned so much from you, and have inherited so many of your qualities. I think that sometimes, that's why we argue: because we're so much alike.
Although it doesn't always seem like it, I do look up to you. And I do want you to know how I feel. I just have trouble communicating in the heat of the moment. Sometimes, I think we both just need to step back and take a minute to realize that not everybody gets this opportunity. This chance to share so many experiences between mother and daughter. Even though they haven't all been good, they've helped us to grow. And I want to thank you for each and every one of them.
As I think about all that's happened in the last couple weeks,I realize that I've learned a lot about the people that are really close to me. For example, the fact that my mom totally shuts down and shows no emotion when something really bad happens. I have also realized that I have a lot of people to thank.
I want thank my mom. I know it sounds super cliché, but I'm being totally serious when I say that she's done SO MUCH for me. Even when I was at the age that I was totally awful to her and going through a lot, she tried to do everything she could to help me get better. After my mom lost her mom a few weeks ago, I started thinking about what I would do if my mom passed away. I don't think that I would have been nearly as strong as my mom. We got the news in the car, and as I broke down, she stayed strong and tried to comfort me, even though I feel like it should have been the other way around.
PART TWO
I wrote part one of this post a few months ago, and since then, a lot has happened between my mom and me. Earlier this month, I came home from a party and said some really awful stuff to her. I don't remember what I said, and I don't want to know. I could tell by the way she spoke to me the next morning, though, that it was awful. I find it hard to believe that after everything that I've put her through, she still looks at me with such pride and love. I have not been nice to her, especially in the last month. In a time where I should have been appologetic, and when I should have been trying to earn her trust back, I just continued to hurt her. We each have our issues and we both have trouble dealing with them.
I don't even know where to begin.
Mom, you are the strongest woman I have ever met. You have dealt with a daughter that has had severe anxiety for her entire life. This anxiety led to eating disorders and crazy mood swings as I hit puberty. You were with me throughout all of that. Although we didn't talk much at the time, your concern did mean a lot to me. I was rude, ungrateful and downright mean. Those weren't my intentions, but that's how it was. The fact that we managed to work through that time of my life together astounds me. The fact that we are still on speaking terms after I said whatever I said to you last month shocks me even more. Although I can't promise that I'll never screw up again, I can promise that I will try my best never to speak to you like that again. I will never hurt your feeling intentionally, and I will never take you for granted. I love you.
After the phone call we received last night from the doctor, I thought long and hard about how much you mean to me. I could never have made it this far in my life without you, and I never want to have to live without you. Let's hope that your next appointment brings good news, and that whatever they see on the ultrasound is not as scary as what I'm imagining right now.
I love you so much, mom. And I am thankful for every moment that I've gotten to spend with you. I'm hoping that we become closer in the future, and that our differences subside, eventually. I have learned so much from you, and have inherited so many of your qualities. I think that sometimes, that's why we argue: because we're so much alike.
Although it doesn't always seem like it, I do look up to you. And I do want you to know how I feel. I just have trouble communicating in the heat of the moment. Sometimes, I think we both just need to step back and take a minute to realize that not everybody gets this opportunity. This chance to share so many experiences between mother and daughter. Even though they haven't all been good, they've helped us to grow. And I want to thank you for each and every one of them.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
55 Word Short Story = Almost Impossible
His hand creeping up my leg; the feeling is surprising. I'm trying to focus on the movie, but the boy prevails. I turn toward him and see the look in his eyes. It’s become impossible to resist; I need to tell him now, “I… I really don’t like you like that.”
Forgiveness
I think that forgiveness is one of the more important skills to have when it comes to a friendship and when it comes to family. I think that most people deserve a second chance, and being able to forgive those that do deserve it, makes you a pretty strong person.
There are certain cases, for sure, when a person should not, under any circumstance, receive peoples' forgiveness. A few people (at least in my mind) that don't deserve second chances: Hitler, Bin Laden, Joseph Koni. These are all people that have caused harm to people on such massive levels that to me, forgiving them seems almost impossible. When I talk about forgiveness being the better decision, I'm thinking more everyday incidents, like a break up, an argument, your friend stealing your shirt and never giving it back... Stuff like that. Even for more serious stuff, like the way your parents treated you or undermined you, like in The Glass Castle, I think that people can look back on those events and no matter how mad they are at their parents for being like that, they could say that they learned something and they are the person that they are today because of them.
I have never been through something in my life that I can't look back on a think you myself 'you know what? All in all, that wasn't an awful experience, in fact, I even had some fun and learned some stuff.' And even if i didn't have fun, I LEARNED. You live and you learn, and without those bad people, the ones that you think you hate, you wouldn't be where you are today. So thank them, forgive them! If you hate them, forget them, but not without forgiving and letting go, first. And who knows, after forgiving them you may realize that they did have a pretty big impact on your life and you're pretty glad they did what they did. Who would you be today without them?
There are certain cases, for sure, when a person should not, under any circumstance, receive peoples' forgiveness. A few people (at least in my mind) that don't deserve second chances: Hitler, Bin Laden, Joseph Koni. These are all people that have caused harm to people on such massive levels that to me, forgiving them seems almost impossible. When I talk about forgiveness being the better decision, I'm thinking more everyday incidents, like a break up, an argument, your friend stealing your shirt and never giving it back... Stuff like that. Even for more serious stuff, like the way your parents treated you or undermined you, like in The Glass Castle, I think that people can look back on those events and no matter how mad they are at their parents for being like that, they could say that they learned something and they are the person that they are today because of them.
I have never been through something in my life that I can't look back on a think you myself 'you know what? All in all, that wasn't an awful experience, in fact, I even had some fun and learned some stuff.' And even if i didn't have fun, I LEARNED. You live and you learn, and without those bad people, the ones that you think you hate, you wouldn't be where you are today. So thank them, forgive them! If you hate them, forget them, but not without forgiving and letting go, first. And who knows, after forgiving them you may realize that they did have a pretty big impact on your life and you're pretty glad they did what they did. Who would you be today without them?
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